Working With Self-Judgment In Awareness Through Movement

This audio is part of the Conscious Movements Co-evolution private podcast within The Embodied Well membership. I'm sharing it here because I've seen too many people bypass moments that could nurture deep healing and profound growth. 

I can't speak for all Feldenkrais practitioners, but I'm not attached to someone reaching some arbitrary endpoint in a lesson. I'm far more interested in people befriending all of who they are so that they can understand the language of their bodies and expand their capacity to hold space, lead, and thrive.

Please enjoy the audio and feel free to read along with the transcript below. 

Uncomfortable moments in Awareness Through Movement that can nurture deep healing and profound growth.

Transcript

Today's session explores how to work with your inner critic, self-judgements, or invasive thoughts in an Awareness Through Movement lesson. Developing my capacity to hold space has been on my mind a lot lately. A recent conversation that followed an Awareness Through Movement session amplified my inner inquiry and deepened my commitment to the quality of space I hold in my classes. 

Our conversation was about working with those voices of criticism or shame. The conversation itself was powerful. But, as is common for me, the inquiry afterward was even more potent.

In my personal practice, I give myself a lot of spaciousness when I experience one of those critical or self-deprecating voices during an Awareness Through Movement lesson. For me, words I commonly hear are around being unable to figure it out. They often look like, "I don't know how. I'm not sure what they're asking. I can't figure it out."

• It's a voice that has come up in Awareness Through Movement. 

• It's a voice that comes up in business. 

• It's a voice that has some deep roots!  

When those itty-bitty shitty inner voices arise in an Awareness Through Movement lesson, one of the first things I do is have gratitude. 

I know that when we have a voice of criticism, shame, or intrusive thoughts about something we're navigating in life, it can be tempting to breeze past them or get hooked by them. However, my invitation is to welcome that voice and have some gratitude. 

Why?

Because this voice, this belief, just stepped into the ring of awareness—it entered the circle of awareness! Most of us have so many voices chattering beneath our conscious awareness that are really steering the boat, but we're not even aware that they're there. So, the moment one enters the ring of awareness, it is an incredible gift — especially when it happens in a movement class. 

Now, I just want to point out that the name of these classes is awareness through movement. It's not awareness of movement but Awareness Through Movement. Most people get hooked on the movement part. We think the lessons are about movement, but really, the lessons are about awareness.

Those moments when one of those voices, those beliefs, step into the ring of awareness are some of the most potent moments in this work. I give myself a lot of space around that. I begin with gratitude. Then, I let go of even doing the lesson I'm exploring. I will pause the recording or let it blend into the background as I become more present with my experience. So, if you have one of those voices stepping forward in a session, please let go of any attachment to continuing with the lesson. You might rejoin us in the lesson if and when it feels appropriate. But please let go of any attachments or beliefs that you've got to do the movements and the instructions I'm giving all the time. 

My commitment to you is that I will hold that space for you every time I teach. I will do the work between sessions. I will have a practice before the lesson so I can show up and hold that space for you. So that when you step into the ring of awareness with one of those voices, you can be present with it.   

Some Somatic Strategies

There are a few ways to work with those judgmental inner voices. The best place to begin is by noticing how you embody that voice or that belief. And so, when I think, "I can't figure this out," I already know a few things about myself. 

• My head comes forward a little bit.

• The curve in my neck increases.

• I round a little bit through my shoulders and thoracic spine — I go into a slight flexion. And this feels very much like putting on a bit of armor. I start to protect myself from behind. 

• The other thing that happens is that my breathing shifts. I don't necessarily stop breathing. But there's less movement in the upper portion of my rib basket. At the same time, my breath moves upward moves, headword. So, my breathing isn't as deep as it could be.  

We have the power to observe and witness how we embody that thought or belief. This self-observation is a crucial step in our healing process. 

Then, if we have the capacity, we can return to the movement that triggered it. So if I have the capacity, if it's not too overwhelming, I go back to the movement that triggered that thought, and I feel what it's like to do that movement with that embodiment. 

If it's too overwhelming, explore a more neutral movement. 

What if that thought or belief is already supercharged, and returning to a movement linked with the embodiment pattern feels too much? Then, I can go to a more neutral movement, but then we start exploring what it's like to move with that embodiment. So, we're exploring it with conscious awareness. We're really present to it. 

Then, after I've explored a bit, I can let go of some of the tension patterns I felt within myself. I might let go of all of it at once or one layer at a time. I may let go of the restricted breathing. Then, I could soften the armor on my back. I can be very playful about how I let go of it. 

But in each layer of letting go, I continue to explore the same movement to compare and contrast what it's like to move both with the embodiment of that voice and without it. Most importantly, I do so without seeing one as better or worse, but to be curious about how it's different.   

When we explore in this way, a few things happen. 

First, we start to befriend that voice, that belief, or that critical aspect of ourselves. Disowning any part of ourselves doesn't serve us. Every element is really there because, at some point, it helped us survive. Now, some of them might be imprints from the culture we're in there—the culture at large or our family culture. But still, it was part of how we navigated the world for survival. 

So, being friends with all those parts of ourselves and simply being curious about how we embody that aspect of ourselves is already a potent way of lessening the hold that that belief has. In part, because there's not that friction that existed before, which means we're also less likely to have a second wounding. 

What is the Second Wounding?

The second wounding is the judgment of the judgment. It's like, "Oh, I just had that damn thought of I can't do this! I suck!" So when we befriend those parts of ourselves, we let go of the second wounding. 

When we explore it with movement, we also start to loosen its physiological hold. We shift the deep ruts of that physical pattern linked with that belief or thought so that it's not so easy for it to grab hold, and the charge behind those words decreases. It comes up less frequently. Or when it comes up, it passes by like a breeze through the trees. It's not as sticky. 

So, I invite you to explore how you embody those self-destructive inner voices, and I will be there to hold the space for you while you do it.